Did Eminem make any sense?! aka "Hi Rhianna"

I never watch the Nigger Network Hip Hop awards, as a dear friend of mine put it, I'm too much of an "Uppity High Class Negro" for that.  Shout out to Huey Freeman.  While I never watch the actual "award show"  I always check out the cyphers the next day, I am an Emcee after all, I gotta see what's what.  Without a doubt the Shady camp's cypher was the highlight of the night, Royce 5'9's verse being my personal favorite "Hi Rhianna..." At any rate a fellow Emcee made the claim that Em's verse was a bunch of nothing, while he is a known Em hater, I none the less wondered "what planet do you live on?!" and so I will undertake the task of breaking his verse down.




"You bout to see peace destroyed/ it'll never be restored, when I unleash these beastly hordes on your CD stores."  My label has great talent and we're about to go H.A.M.

"Wanna stop it? You're gonna need a Priest, at least three swords, a License to Ill from The Beastie Boys, 3 Ouija Boards, and a squeegee"  No way you can stop what's about to happen but good luck trying.

"And please be warned don't ask what the squeegee's for. All the holy water, acid rap that'll eat these floors. I eat a hole in a rhyme book. You see these horns?!"  I'm that fucking nice you asshole.

"Ask when I'm gone will he be mourned?"  Straight forward enough of a question.

"Is puke lukewarm?" Yes.

"Should Casey Anthony do porn?" An implied yes.

"Could that chick (Anthony) fit a dead new born baby inside a freakin' shoe box with a shoe horn smothered in chloroform so she could go get her groove on?!"  Another implied yes.

"could she duck tape and Velcro a fetus?" Yet another implied yes, so in closing will he be mourned?  Yes.

"Joell yo, tell Joe that I need his empty box from his old shell toe Adidas so I could put this babies in the fetus position, they're getting elbows to the penis."   The babies being all the listeners who would complain about the Anthony lines and an elbow to the penis would obviously put most men in the fetal position.

"yeah big deal, I took some little kids big wheel, and spit in his friggin' big kids meal" another "fuck you" to the people who would complain about his graphic content.  His classic refrain "I just don't give a fuck."

"quit trying to bite me and pinch you wench sit still, did you just put your six inch heel through my Benz windshield?!"  An "I'm a nut" rape metaphor not much explanation needed here.

"is it dust we're 'bout to kick up?"  Another straight forward question.

"Can Yelawolf fit a fifth of rum inside a big cup between his stick shift in his friggin' pickup, and drink like a redneck hillbilly Will 'til he get's hiccups?!"  Judging by Yela's reaction to the line I would say and emphatic "Hell Yeah!"

"Flipping the script up, like Mike Vick getting bit in his nuts by a Pit.  Yup I'm a sick pup."  I'm going to assume you're intelligent enough to get this one.

"I'd be a horrible magician, cuz I'd fuck a trick up!"  Again I'm going to assume intelligence.

"Fix your lips to say something fly, or zip up."  Either kick dope raps or stop rapping, with a play on the words fly and zipper.

"A B let's C you said you was gonna do 'XYZ' until you fuck around and get dropped like an E when you add an 'ing' don't put a K in front of of that though when I emcee."   Assuming intelligence...

"Because I'm not the king of this microphone booth.  It's more like a phonebooth.  Superman in this bitch, Kryptonite won't due.  It gives me more power.  I bump The Fatboys and eat rat poison and take meteor showers!!!"  Assuming intelligence...

"Fresh outta the mental hospital.  And me not flossing a middle finger when I hop inside of a moshpit would be like Nas doing gospel or R&B.  You crazy?"  Assuming intelligence and some basic knowledge of who Nas is and what the odds of him doing gospel or R&B are.

"Me pushing up daisies? That thought is impossible, as it flashing across the news that Pas the Noose(not sure who this is or if that's even what he said?) was caught with a prostitute with a huge johnson boobs and a monstrous tube of lube in a bra some boots and panties in an aqua blue Mazda, swallowing a Popsicle playing tonsil pool."  Besides not knowing who exactly he's referring to, this speaks for itself, "Not gonna fucking happen."

"So kill the rumors, it ain't happening I'm rap til I'm fossil fuel."  You do have a brain right? 

There was not one wasted word in that verse, and it made perfect sense. 

So for the record, while one can rightly claim they just don't relate to him, his content may not be one's cup of tea, lukewarm puke and rape metaphors aren't exactly universal, one cannot make the claim that he isn't one of the most technically gifted Emcee's ever.  
 

Hi Rhianna!